4 October 2023
dark waters
i didn’t understand i was young
i didn’t realize it wouldn’t last forever
until it didn’t
now every morning i wake into grief
grief over the girl i was without
knowing: spirited, bright, electrified
grief that i never thought to love her
before she was gone
grief over a history of too scarce
soft attention
hence, grief for time
wasted on dreams not my own
suffering’s recommended resolution
is to submerge in the moment
plunge into now, then now, and still now
but this grief does not vanish
it lurks
subverted or ignored
its fin tip slices the surface
it approaches and approaches
unless i redirect the nose
sunrise: i shove its jaws away
so jointly, composed, we float
but each next morning it reemerges
to snap anew at my throat
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